In town the other day to run some errands, I stopped in for a cup of coffee at The Bounty. Brian was there, having a glass of rum at 9:30 am. Brian is a very smart guy who is starved for conversation, partly because his rum-fueled, highly-opinionated diatribes put most people off. I, however, usually enjoy his company since his rather unique take on life provides some amusement. Most people have pretty boring conversations about things like weather, politics, and who’s doing what with whom, etc. With Brian, you never know where you’ll end up.
He’d recently been reading about M Theory and was hot to talk about it. “You know about gravitons?” he asked me.
“Sure,” I replied, “They are those little sticky things like Velcro that hold me stuck to this planet.”
“Well, I’ve decided that of all the forces in the universe, electromagnetism, strong and weak nuclear forces, etc, only gravity is a good force. The rest are evil. Gravitons are good.”
“How so?” I encouraged.
“You know that photons are the basic element of light? You know that Lucifer means ‘bringer of light’? So photons come from evil.” he informed me. “Since all things are just light energy, then all of the universe is evil. And therefore, things that permit the existence of the universe, like quarks, strong nuclear force, electrons, all of that sub-quantum stuff is also evil.”
“It never occurred to me to imagine quarks, muons or electrons as evil;” I admitted. “So why is gravity good and not evil then, if it is also part of what enables universe to exist?”
“Because when gravity gets strong enough, like in a black hole, it destroys that part of the universe and doesn’t even let light escape. Gravity is the only thing stronger than light. Extreme gravity sucks things into other dimensions, like heaven or hell.” he explained.
“That’s a stretch, Brian. I don’t get it. I though it was God who said, ‘let there be light’.”
“Sure God created Lucifer, but then he rebelled and took over the universe. He now runs everything except gravity. That’s why even Einstein couldn’t come up with a theory of everything that included gravity.” he elaborates.
“Are you telling me that Einstein’s theories describe how evil works?” I asked. This was getting to be serious fun. Like I said, conversing with Brian is not your everyday conversation about the price of tea in China.
“Absolutely,” he asserted, “just look at his most famous formula. He explained E = mc2 and man created nuclear weapons. They are evil. Correct?” he did not wait for my answer. I guess it was a rhetorical question or he was just on a roll and did not want to be interrupted. “Without the strong and weak nuclear forces, there would be no atoms and no atomic weapons.”
“But, there wouldn’t be anything else either,” I objected.
“Exactly,” he said jubilantly, “nothing, no people, no evil. Just gravity. A giant black hole that would collapse the whole universe.”
“Brian, if an innocent child is pushed down the stairs and breaks her neck, gravity was as guilty of her murder as much as the person who pushed her, so gravity is also responsible for evil. Think of those millions of gravitons pulling that poor child down the stairs to her death and then, later, into her grave.”
He was silent. I’d accomplished what few others have been able to achieve. I had created a black hole that swallowed even his words.
“How about a drink? You want a beer?” he said after a while.
“Thanks, but no thanks. It’s a bit early for me Brian.” I demurred.
“It’s too late for all of us,” he mumbled as he held up his empty glass to signal the waitress for a refill. The mood had turned grave. The gravity of it all was overwhelming.
“Existentialism is a philosophical dead end, Brian;” I said. “but, nevertheless, you have to get beyond this good and evil stuff. Gravity is neither good nor evil. Neither is light. It just is. Neither are any of the other sub-quantum, quantum or supra-quantum things. They just are. They exist without assigned ethical value.”
“Except for the demon rum. It is definitely a Luciferian tool.” I added with a smile. “Beer, on the other hand, is God’s personal gift to me. All those bubbles rising up to heaven.”
“Guinness bubbles go down,” he replied.
“Yeah, well, that’s you Irish. You go out of your way to be conflicted contrarians. Only an Irishman would try to convince himself and others that light is evil and gravity is good because it can consume light into the darkness of a black hole.”
“Gravitons ARE good and Guinness is good for you. That’s why the bubbles go down. They are in tune with gravitons.” Brian told me, without even cracking a smile.
“It’s been a gas, Brian, but I’ve got to run. And, by the way, Einstein did not like quantum theory.”
The next day, I broke my little TOE at the beach. I guess that is called sinchronicity.